life catches up.

there was a time when i absolutely loved being busy. going from place to place, from work to meetings to friends to sleep. i felt important. that was many years ago. i'm all growed up now.

frustrations pt. 3

well, the rains never came the next day. but they sure did find their way to ontario. yeesh. the clouds are stalking me. ah well. as i drove to work today, i began thinking about my past week in ontario and life in general. my frustrations had somewhat gotten me down and brought me to a point of thinking about what the heck i'm doing in BC. that's the way it goes for me when i'm in the homeland. the same thoughts passed through my mind last january as i pondered my life on the west coast. then, too, i was tempted to drop all connections, all future possibilities, all aspects of BC life in exchange for Grimsby life. why? is it the comforts of home that bring me to this point? is it the family? is it the friends? is it the work? who knows. i sit and tell myself that God has me here for a reason. that God has me in this church for a reason. that God has given me these very friends for a reason. of that i have no doubt. [do i?]. this was the realization that sunk in as i drove to work today. be thankful. be thankful for where you are. i have a job. i have friends. i have a car. i have a life. just be thankful, dang it. i may not like the fact that i've tied myself down with a job. i crave freedom. [what is freedom?] i may not know exactly why i'm here. but yes, i do have no doubt that there is a purpose to this western life of mine. my frustrations bring me to a point of desiring to know that i am doing such a purpose. that God is using me. that i'm not succumbing to the comforts, to the structure, to the 'i'm doing this because it is what is expected of me' way of life. i want to be 'doing this because i know it's what God wants me to do.' i had a taste of that, and it was good. a frustration brought me to action. action brought results (of which I saw today). God did [does] use me...once i am bold enough to be used by Him. it's a complicated existence, this Christian life. Thanksgiving. i'm thankful i'm not perfect.

frustrations pt. deux

yeah. it's been a dreary, dismal, wet and cold day. welcome to vancouver. just came back from a depressing walk through the rougher areas of New West. it amazes me how these 'dark' areas of any city have a few things in common: strip joints, liquor stores, adult stores -- and lost people. makes you wonder what came first. and it forces you to pray. i was gonna continue my train of thought on frustrations, but will leave it for the next rainy day. i'll post tomorrow.