godliness

based on a comment from a friend: 'I hate being so spiritual one day and then being such a pagan the next.' I thought about that for a bit, and decided that it's the difference between godliness and ungodliness. between Godly living and unGodly living. and I know exactly what he means. unfortunately, the problem with falling into sin is that i don't hate my ungodly moments when i'm in the midst of them. in fact, i pursue them. and the more i pursue them, the harder it is to get back into a Godly lifestyle. i still haven't picked my Bible up in a long time, despite my yearnings for 'unconditional Christianity'. and it's not that i'm enjoying an unGodly life right now -- i mean, i have my unGodly moments, which seem to be more frequent these past few weeks (i've kind of noticed a trend in my blogging...i don't blog often when i sludge through this Godly living stuff). but, despite all of it, i'm growing. It was maybe five or six years ago that i had completely given up on God. He didn't seem to care about me, so why should i care about Him? that was my reasoning five or six years ago. i've come to realize the truth since then. the actual problem was that we both just cared about me. make sense? anyway, so last summer i was going through a time of doubt where i made a conscious decision to trust God, even though i wasn't sure where He was. i remember standing on a cliff overlooking the ocean during our hike with Lifeteams, and telling God that i would continue to serve Him despite the fact i doubted he was there. Now, i know He's there. sure there are doubts. but i know He's there. despite ungodliness, He's there. and He wants me back as much as i want to be back. so i guess it's up to me.