holey jeans batman!

currently listening to: matt good. white light rock and roll review. good stuff. on to matters of the day. it was sunny. super sunny and warm and sunny and blue skies and mountainous distances and sunny. BC extraordinaire! the day was spent in the church running a team meeting for our summer mission trip to california and then doing all the last-minute-planning for a church service that ended two hours ago. sundays are no longer a day of rest. i'm tired, my feet are sore and i always leave services in which i am involved in planning wondering if things could have been different. or if things should have been different. or if i need to just sit back and understand that God enjoyed it. services can be stress city. i was gonna write about a holey jean incident that happened last week, but in the end decided it wasn't worth it. the title's staying though. i like it. two more days of work before i hit the beaches of california. i intend to spend my time soaking in much of the sun i missed out on today. good times had by all...

ahhhhh....

as of 1:30pm on this very day, i have been set free. with many strokes of a pen i wrote what will likely be the final two exams of my post-secondary education existence (CBC-wise, as least). not only is that chapter of my life done, but the book has been closed. ahhhhh...

so what next? actually it'll be a busy summer:

1) next week: Los Angeles for a youth-worker conference (a.k.a. beach)
2) May 1: begin full-time youth work
3) mid-May: Ontario for a few days (want a day off, Paul?)
4) June: Uganda for three weeks
5) July: Back to California for a 10 day mission trip (+ road trip!)

and in the midst of it all--full-time youth work [nervous laughter]. nervous laughter because it's a daunting concept. full time youth ministry. is this what i signed up for? well...technically i haven't signed the papers yet, but things have been progressing towards that signature on the dotted line. yeesh. i was asked the other day what my ideal job would be. funny that youth work didn't top the list. train engineer did. or train conductor...as long as i'm on a train going somewhere. it's always been on top. weird. does this mean i'm barking up the wrong tree? it might mean that if so many people didn't want me to stay at the church. ah well. i guess time will tell...for now i'll enjoy this newfound freedom. a woo and a hoo!!

toes.

sometimes when i hug people...i step on their toes. think about that one...not only is it true physically [i inevitably do step on someone's toes when i hug them] but it's true in more than the physical. sometimes to show someone you love them, you have to step on their toes. we need to be challenged. we need the wake-up call. we need to know that our toes aren't the only toes in this world of toes. the problem comes when we are so afraid of stepping on eachother's toes that we keep an arms-length away from eachother. this method works in our individualistic society that is north america, but it can't work in a church that wants to be community-focused. we need to hug eachother...and when we do that, there's gonna be some toe-steppin'. the question is this: what will we remember more? the pain? or the hug? pain subsides, but everyone always wants more hugs.

procrastination is the key.

That's my life motto. i won't mention what the key opens, it sounds positive with that part left out. so, speaking of procrastination i have discovered some great methods:

1. blogging
2. cleaning
3. reading (yes, ma...reading)
4. Lost (what's in the hatch?!)
5. church work (when schooling needs doing)
6. school work (when church stuff needs doing)
7. driving four hours to vernon to do nothing
8. creating to-do lists
9. sitting and thinking. possibly my favourite past-time.

i have a 1500 word essay due next Thursday. I've got 300 words written in 5 hours....it's really not that big of an assignment, but i'm loving the class so i actually care about getting a good grade. plus i've got to read three chapters of my psych text for a test monday. after monday i won't have time to do any homework. it's saturday afternoon, and i now have a 1200 word paper to write. and the library closes in 15 minutes. my weekend will be a write-off. reading break has come and gone...you'd think it's called 'reading break' for a reason. not me. yeesh.

happy birthday swift!

It was a mere 12 months ago that she was born. Or should I say 'adopted'. Brought into the family. And was she ever a beaute! Beautiful, bright, sparkling eyes; silky smooth exterior; clean emissions; healthy sheen. That's my Swift! Instead of the once-a-year birthday-only gift giving, I opted for a much more extended and expensive show of appreciation. Here's how she all added up:

Purchased at 178,000km @ $1200.00

1) Engine Tune Up: $100.00
2) New Tires: $230.00
3) Five Oil Changes: $120.00
4) New Exhaust System: $300.00
5) New Windshield Wipers: $30.00
6) New Pair of Brakes: $80.00
7) New Headlights: $30.00
8) Re-attach passenger mirror: $1.50 (screws)
9) Re-attach driver's mirror: $1.50 (screws)
10) Pliers to remove old mirror screws: $2.00
11) Screwdriver to attach replacement mirrors: $15.00
12) Gas to keep 'er runnin': $1200.00
13) Insurance to keep 'er legal: $1200.00?
14) Tickets to stop me speedin': $530.00

Current Odometer: 216,000
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Total Mileage: 38,000 km
Total for all this TLC: $5040.00
-----------------------------------------------
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Cost / Kilometre: $7.55

Owning a car: priceless.

Happy Birthday Swift!

mirrors.

It happened one afternoon in late summer, 2005. My little Swift was perfectly parked parallel on the pavement on a little side street in Abbotsford. There were kids about. Kids with balls. Large, rubbery balls. In a moment of misjudgment, one of these large rubbery balls beelined towards my little Swift's passenger side mirror. Poor thing didn't see it coming, it was too busy looking backwards.

February, 2006. My little Swift was perfectly parked on the pavement behind the parish. There were kids about. Kids with, well, balls...different kinds of balls. In a moment of misjudgment and perceived courageousness, one of these kids decides it would be fun to even up the look of my car. Like it's twin, Mirror #2 was too busy looking backwards. It never saw him coming. Oh, Swift.

justice

a few years ago i heard a speaker talk about the central message of the Old Testament prophecies, as he saw them. not necessarily the specific prophecies that we now understand to be a forth-telling of the coming of Christ, but those that addressed the sins of the Israelites and addressed God's reasonings for allowing them to be sent into exile. it wasn't just the sins of commission...those that the Israelites actively committed (ie. worshipping foreign idols, sexual sin, etc.) but also the sins of omission...those things that the Israelites should have been doing, but weren't. in fact, the speaker suggested that those sins of commission were a result of the Israelites sins of omission (something to think about). what, specifically, were these 'sins of omission'? Not caring for the widow and not caring for the orphan....a lack of justice. ever since i heard him speak, this idea of justice has been swimming around in the back of my mind. as i read the OT prophecies and the words of Christ i would pick up on the theme of justice and understand it even more and remember the words of a speaker i heard a few years back. and it bothered me, but it made sense.

the speaker's name is jim cantelon...i heard him again tonight. he spoke on the same topic. and it still makes sense. this idea of justice in our world and the churches role in the acting out of this idea (or lack of acting it out, as it seems) continues to ring in my ears as it did when i first heard him...and it continues to bother me. it bothers me because i understand his message to be true. it bothers me because i don't know what to do about it. i understand that there is a lack of justice as i walk through the streets of east vancouver. i understand that there is a lack of justice as i talk to a man on the street who has his bed in a garbage bag and who wanders around my car as i come back from hearing a man on a stage talk about justice.

'do you have any smokes?' he asks.
'no, sorry man, i don't smoke,' i reply.

getting in my car, i turn the key and drive away.

i understand. but i still don't know what to do.

i get claustrophobic in christian bookstores

that will be the title for my upcoming bestseller. I Get Claustrophobic in Christian Bookstores. the only problem is that there's only one type of store that will sell it. yup...that's the one. yeesh.

blind faith.

I have trust issues with God (have I said that before?). As much as I know He has my best intentions in mind, it's hard to accept that, especially when my own intentions seem so perfect...or good. Ha. Therein lies the problem, Watson. Okay, I know Sherlock never said that but that whole 'therein' threw me off so I had to make up for it with something. My intentions are just that...my intentions. Which means that it is me who is putting the effort forth because I have led myself to believe that it will be my work that will accomplish my goals. And in that moment...whether that moment is 1 second, 1 day, 1 year...or 1 year and 4 months...I have lost my focus. No, I haven't lost my focus. I have adjusted it. Not from clear to blurry, but from blurry to clear. 'Wouldn't that be good,' you ask, 'to start seeing clearer?' Not the way I see it. ha. 'See it'. Get it? You see (get it?), I have adjusted my vision (goals, intentions, plans) in such a way that my vision (goals, intentions, plans) were clear. But I may just have been headed in the wrong direction with my 20/20 vision. It's better to have blurry vision and face the right direction, I think. Forgive me as this get confusing. At least with blurry vision, you're headed in the right direction. And you are forced to seek help. I don't think God intends on give us a prescription for that 20/20 vision. Then we would just put on a new set of glasses and start walking whatever way suits us best. This whole analogy works great in my head, but it's a little convoluted in black & white text. My point...I think...is this. Head in the right direction. Walk with Someone who knows the best way. Adjust your focus to keep the faith alive. Trust.

This is somewhat of a needed understanding of God's ways for me. Usually when a 'needed' realization of God's ways strikes me, it sucks. And it is once again true. I thought I was headed in the right direction all along. Maybe I'll be put back on that path in the future, hopefully a little more blindly next time.

letting go.

Thanks Coldplay.

The Hardest Part

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
It's the hardest part
And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the clouds
Oh, and I,
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to sing
But I couldn't think of anything
And that was the hardest part

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
Silver lining the cloud
Oh, and I,
Oh, and I,
I wonder what it's all about
I wonder what it's all about

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do it just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and that's the hardest part
That's the hardest part
Yeah, that's the hardest part
That's the hardest part

Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

yup.

still alive and kicking. i'll be back.

...searching for something

You must worship no other gods, but only the LORD (Yahweh), for he is a God who is passionate about his relationship with you. [Exodus 34:14]

two words strike me in this passage: passion and relationship. i'm searching for something...and i think it's my passion. either i haven't completely discovered it yet, or i've misplaced it, or i just need to fine-tune it. "fine-tune it". that one's from my pastor. and i think he might be right. just when i thought youth work, church work was out of my future, God puts someone else in my life to redirect me, to ground me...or just to provide further anxiety. ha. it's easy for God to say he's got a passion...he's God. but it's kinda cool to think that on the top of his list is us. here's the setting. God wants a people to call his own, and who in turn will commit to serving Him. they weren't so good at that. before God even gives them a place to stay, his people decide that they need a visible god...and so they make a golden cow. after much debate between God and the leader of these people, God decides to stick with them. it was a close call...i think he was gonna walk away (wouldn't you?). but he doesn't. and it's in this moment, after threatening to walk off, that God reveals His true nature, his drive....the thing that gets him up in the morning. He is passionate about his relationship with us. if that's God's drive, then wouldn't it come to pass that his passions might just rub off on us a little? It's pretty obvious that it has. i don't think there's a soul on this earth who doesn't want to be in relationship with other people. hmmmm...interesting. do relationships get me up in the morning? nope...i blame that on my alarm clock. should they? one more thing to work on...i'll add it to the list. crap. and the search continues...

life catches up.

there was a time when i absolutely loved being busy. going from place to place, from work to meetings to friends to sleep. i felt important. that was many years ago. i'm all growed up now.

frustrations pt. 3

well, the rains never came the next day. but they sure did find their way to ontario. yeesh. the clouds are stalking me. ah well. as i drove to work today, i began thinking about my past week in ontario and life in general. my frustrations had somewhat gotten me down and brought me to a point of thinking about what the heck i'm doing in BC. that's the way it goes for me when i'm in the homeland. the same thoughts passed through my mind last january as i pondered my life on the west coast. then, too, i was tempted to drop all connections, all future possibilities, all aspects of BC life in exchange for Grimsby life. why? is it the comforts of home that bring me to this point? is it the family? is it the friends? is it the work? who knows. i sit and tell myself that God has me here for a reason. that God has me in this church for a reason. that God has given me these very friends for a reason. of that i have no doubt. [do i?]. this was the realization that sunk in as i drove to work today. be thankful. be thankful for where you are. i have a job. i have friends. i have a car. i have a life. just be thankful, dang it. i may not like the fact that i've tied myself down with a job. i crave freedom. [what is freedom?] i may not know exactly why i'm here. but yes, i do have no doubt that there is a purpose to this western life of mine. my frustrations bring me to a point of desiring to know that i am doing such a purpose. that God is using me. that i'm not succumbing to the comforts, to the structure, to the 'i'm doing this because it is what is expected of me' way of life. i want to be 'doing this because i know it's what God wants me to do.' i had a taste of that, and it was good. a frustration brought me to action. action brought results (of which I saw today). God did [does] use me...once i am bold enough to be used by Him. it's a complicated existence, this Christian life. Thanksgiving. i'm thankful i'm not perfect.

frustrations pt. deux

yeah. it's been a dreary, dismal, wet and cold day. welcome to vancouver. just came back from a depressing walk through the rougher areas of New West. it amazes me how these 'dark' areas of any city have a few things in common: strip joints, liquor stores, adult stores -- and lost people. makes you wonder what came first. and it forces you to pray. i was gonna continue my train of thought on frustrations, but will leave it for the next rainy day. i'll post tomorrow.